The glasses spent much of the next nine years in a desk drawer and I spent it guessing at things like small print.
Obamacare scared me bad enough that I did not want to be without any kind of medical insurance so I went and signed up for my veteran's medical benefits. One of the many benefits offered was a new pair of glasses.
Last week my new lined-bifocals showed up in the mail. I grabbed a prepared foods box and slid the new glasses onto my face. As the "reading" portion of the glasses passed in front of my eyes the small print on the package came into sharp focus, and I could actually read it.
It was almost an emotional experience. Sometimes you don't realize how much of an inconvenience you are willing to put up with when it comes at you gradually. For the past few years if I wanted to read anything smaller than newsprint I had to go outside in some bright light, look for one of my negative viewing magnifiers, or just guess at what I thought the blurry print said.
It's amazing how much better prepared foods like TV dinners and packaged burritos taste when you can distinguish the difference between cook on high for 2 minutes, and not 22 minutes.
Being able to read the instructions on my growing number of prescription bottles has been a real godsend. 1 pill a day, looks a lot like 11 pills a day with blurry vision.
I always wondered why my doctor only sent me a three-day supply each time.
I was at a friend's house a few days after getting the glasses. As I headed down the hallway to his "facilities" he said something about watching my step.
"People with bifocals report a higher incidence of twisted or sprained ankles in the first few days they have them," my friend said.
I can understand that since you have to learn to move your entire head when looking at different things so you're looking through the right part of the lens for what you are trying to see.
After I came back form the bathroom I made the statement that I don't know about sprained ankles, but I'll bet guys that get bifocals report a higher incident of peeing on their own shoes.
"Naw, you've probably been going on your shoes for some time. You just couldn't tell'" he replied.
Thank god. Before I could see what was going on, I thought maybe my hearing was going as well.