Being a sports editor for a small town may at times not always be the most exciting of jobs, but at least I'm not sitting around taking pictures of people's fat.
    Every time I'm in the checkout lane at a grocery store, I can't help but burst into laughter over the latest "best and worst beach bodies" being promoted by the tabloids.
    "Guess who has cellulite!" trumpets the rags' headlines. Then there are these big pictures of the tail ends of skimpy clad Hollywood stars on the beach. Britney Spears is usually always featured. Then there is a picture of some has-been actor like Keanu Reeves, who now has a  raging beer belly. Matthew McConaughey is always running around in his chiseled shirtlessness. Obviously Mr.  McConaughey has to run around nearly naked, because he can’t act.
    I'm intrigued by the beach body obsession in this country on so many levels.
    First of all, why do people care? Obviously, a lot do because, heck, every grocery store magazine has its latest beach list — even T.V. Guide.
    Then there is the paparazzi photographer, who spends the whole day trying to find a Hollywood type storming the beach in the latest swim wear. What a pathetic job.
    I can hear a photographer thinking out loud;
    "Now if I can just get the right light on the heavy side of Britney's belly just as she is leaning over it will amplify her love handles. Perhaps I could Photoshop a mole right below her belly button for special effects."
    How about the editors of these gossip magazines?
    "No, you idiot photographer. Britney looks too skinny in this picture. Could you please wait until after she has eaten a donut to get a much better picture of her flab? I want you to camp out at Krispy Kreme Donuts waiting is she is going to arrive before going to the beach. I want a better picture!"
    Then how about the celebrity themselves. I take it, quite a few of them are rich. Couldn't they just buy a private beach someplace or build a fortress behind their house with a sand pit to lay on?
    Why do they subject themselves by going on a public beach, especially if their bodies aren't really that hot?
    "Gosh. I've gained wait. Perhaps, I'll just go to a public beach and have a photographer snap a shot of me so my cellulite can be plastered on every magazine in every grocery store in the country."
    I suppose someone somewhere has a web site listing the celebrities in chronological order of every beach body magazine list. Kind of like American Top 40.
    "Britney Spears, this week, drops five notches on the worst beach body list registering in at No. 9. But is she truly losing weight? Rumor has it, Britney was last seen at the Dairy Queen. Tune in next week!"
    But perhaps this is a trend. Newspapers around the country have been recording record drops in sales lately
    Could the beach body rating craze become fashionable not only for celebrity rags but for local newspapers?
    Perhaps, someday one of my assignments will be taking my camera down to the Wellington Aquatic Center or the Wellington Lake, taking pictures of various prominent local citizens.
    "Here's Jane Doe of the county water department. Look at her cellulite!"
    Gosh, I hope not.
    I always wondered what would be the ultimate thing I could write, that not only halts my journalistic career, but contributes to my impending death.  I was sure writing a "who is sleeping with who in Wellington" column would be that ultimate piece.
    However, I've changed my mind. I think if I was to do a double page photography spread in the Wellington Daily News of close ups of local people and all their cellulite glory at the pool or lake, I'm sure that would be the end of me in a much, much more fierce and awful way.
    I'm not sure I could get out of town fast enough.
    ———
    Tracy McCue is sports editor of the Wellington Daily News. He can be reached at sports@wellingtondailynews.com.